How to let go of someone: 9 things that help.

Hiya friend. I reckon if you’re here, you’ve been through something quite tough. Peace be with you, soldier. It’s hard, I know. In my own life, the biggest and most powerful lesson I’ve ever had to learn- was how to let go of someone.

What I’m going to tell you isn’t a quick fix and it may be hard to process and to hear. But I will try and break it down. I really suggest that you give all of these things a go, if you are really struggling. What do you have to lose?

But first and foremost let me say: You aren’t sick or pathological if you can’t let go. The nature of human beings is to bond at that deep level. In theory, we could all possibly be perfect and just have this immaculate trust in the universe. However, the reality of this current experience seems to be that we do feel strong yearnings and urgings to unite with other humans. And when that other human is signalled to one as something special (whether on a trauma bond level or not)- every facet of who we are is going to want to cling to them. It signals death to be abandoned in this way so of course we panic unto death.

We don’t need to change that about ourselves and get tied up in any more knots telling ourselves how traumatised and sick we are. Therapy is great of course.

But what if I was to tell you that these urges, these massive surging rushes of need to sort the situation out and find clarity/meaning/let go/hold on… that these are not actually who we are? That these are neither good or bad in and of themselves, but simply parts of the program. This is ego, and learning how to let go of someone means we let go of IT. It doesn’t go away, we just see it for what it is.

How to let go of someone?

1: You need to become cognizant of your divine nature- but you need to also be aware that this “I” that wants, that is afraid- that isn’t the divine nature. That’s on the surface and it will grab at you and pretend very strongly. Your divine nature knows that all of this disorder and pain is ephemeral and will pass. Keep your awareness on this nature; acknowledge thoughts feelings and efforts as they arise. But try not to follow them down the rabbit hole.

2: Look after yourself. I mean it. No extremes, but look for balance. Balanced diet, exercise, social media consumption. Meditate several times a day.

3: But do nothing with the sole thought of what you will get out of it, otherwise we start to feed those extremes again. Release your expectations on all things; those most worthy of love and respect are rarely shown it. It’s not for us to know why.

4: Be mindful of your day to day responsibilities. Although this reality isn’t “real” per se, we still have an obligation to care for the ones who need us and to at least try to pay our way in life.

5: LOVE that person. But if when you are around them you are drawn away from your peace, your presence and your higher nature- you will need to love them from a distance. With the help of the Divine (which is in you!) send them love, support, healing energetically from a distance. But only with the understanding that by this you are not controlling or creating any outcome. You are simply expressing that love, which it is in your nature to! If you want to know how to let go of someone, you need to know how to love.

6: Don’t try to steer. Don’t try to solve. Don’t try to figure it out. Simply notice those urges, be aware of them, then return to your immediate responsibilities.

7: If you are angry or hurt or have negative emotions you are finding hard to deal with, that’s cool. Write them down on a piece of paper and say these are up to you to deal with, Divine- then dispose of. Preferably on a waning moon cycle.

8: Heal! But heal appropriately. When someone comes into my massage clinic with a fresh rotator cuff tear, I don’t go digging around deeply in that injury. I look to the areas around it. If your mind or heart are hurt in some way, create a framework around that hurt that is supportive and cares for you on all levels.

9: Remember there are no guarantees in this world. Any loss can occur at any time. The best we can do is act right in this present moment according to what we can control, and allow things to flow.

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